The dictionary defines dating as "of a couple, in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple." This is exactly what I see dating as. A prelude. And after that prelude, you can either choose to stay or say adios.
Perks of the dating phase:
- You get to see what someone is like
- You get a taste of a relationship without strings attached
- You're free to leave anytime
- You can date as many people as you want (see it as wine sampling. After all the samples, you buy the one that taste the best, don't you?)
Cons of the dating phase:
- The other person may just be putting on a show during the phase, eg not showing his or her true personality just yet (y'know, just in case you run out the door after the First.)
- Never actually knowing where you two stand. Are y'all friends? A little more than friends? A couple? What?
- They are free to leave you anytime too.
- If you are free to date anyone, so are they. How do you know you're not the last one on their list
- Constant worrying that you might not be good enough for them and that they'd leave for other people at a snap of the fingers
- Questions, questions, questions. "When are you two gonna get together?" "Are y'all STILL dating??"
I knew people who seemed to be constantly "stuck" in the dating phase. And all they asked was "what are we?" Some I knew dated for 6-8 months without making it official. They went out on dates, had a laugh, had tons of fun. But they also went out with other "potential candidates". They were trying to weed out the weaklings from the future spouses, and I totally understand this process. It's a good idea, and I applaud it but honestly, I've never been one for the dating game. I personally get too attached to people and this round robin is just not for some of us.
Take my friend Marie* for example. She dated this guy, lets call him John, for about 3 months. She fell in love with him and got completely emotionally attached to him. She thought they were official but she didn't know that he only saw it as dating. You can imagine how torn she was when she found out he was seeing other girls too.
If you're up for it, then by all means, go ahead. But first of, you need to establish some rules. Are you both allowed to date other people or only one of you? Will you both be alright if the other takes someone else out?
Some people see the dating phase as a test. Will I be alright if he brings that girl out for dinner and a movie? Will I feel jealous? And if I do, what does that really say about my feelings for him?
Other people use the dating phase as a game. Date as many people, 10 points if you can kiss them, 50 if you get them into bed. These people are called players and they have absolutely no intention of taking this dating phase to the next level.
Relationships on the other hand, oooh that's a different story.
Oxford dictionary defines relationship as "the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected".
A relationship is a connectedness, a bonding, a tie between two people who want to commit to each other, and only each other. There are no "seeing other people" involved and if you think this is not for you, don't even try to start one because there is a very high chance you are going to hurt the other party who tries to care for you.
To me, I feel that a relationship is a bonding of the heart. A marriage is a union of souls. Everyone will have a relationship in some point of their life. If you're lucky, you'll marry your first. But don't worry if you haven't had one just yet. God works in mysterious ways and trust me, he has a story written out for you. You're just not at that chapter yet. Don't fret :)
I shan't go into details of the pros and cons of a relationship. There are so many sections that I could write about for relationships that I won't be able to complete everything here.
As I've mentioned, a relationship is a commitment. A silent, given promise made by two people to stand by each other even when the going gets tough. You are committed to him and he, you.
With relationships, you are assured of a title. Someone who will always be there for you when you fall (cliche I know, but it's true). Someone who will be your partner in crime. In the dating phase, you don't know if they'll be able to give you that wholeheartedly.
You know that his heart belongs to you only. He knows that your heart belongs to him. There is more trust between you two, a stronger bond that was weak in dating. You know that what you're feeling is love.
Relationships need nurturing. Dating didn't. Relationships are like a flower, it needs to be watered, nurtured, cared for, protected (from snapping), admired, loved. If you put in effort, it will grow and blossom and everyone else who comes by it will admire it and be envious of this beautiful blossom that you spent time caring for.
On the other hand, dating is like a plastic flower. If you put in all the effort in the world to care for it, it will remain as it is. If you put in no effort, it will still remain as it is. It will not grow, it will not blossom. People will come by and touch its hard plastic exterior and feel its coldness and lack of life.
I am no expert and I would like to hear your opinion on this post. What are your thoughts on this? Did I miss something out that you think I should have most definitely included? Leave me a comment, drop me a message. As always, think with your mind, live to your heart's desire and love wholeheartedly with your soul.
Lots of Sugar,
Nicabeth
*names were changed to protect the identity of these people :)
*names were changed to protect the identity of these people :)
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