Can you really pause love?

In this article, I will be discussing a topic that is quite prominent in an Asian cultured society. And yes, it has to do with love.


Adolescence is a curious phase. We wonder all the time; what does it feel like to be in a relationship? What does it feel like to be liked? When is my first kiss going to be and whom with and how? Teenagers are growing and coupled with this newfound emotion of adolescent love, it's no wonder teenagers will naturally be curious about topics as such.

Parents are trying to halt their teenager's natural growing curiosity by saying "Focus on your studies first."

It is not uncommon for parents to want their child to do well and succeed in life. It's only natural they should want the best for their child and push them to accomplish as much as they can. In an Asian society, that involves multiple tuitions on different subjects, endless enrichment lessons and an unnecessary amount of stress. So when does love have the time to come in?



So teenagers try to quell this insatiable urge of curiosity and focus on their studies. They grow up knowing how to get straight As and distinctions but know nothing in the fields of love.

Personally my parents set an age limit for me. No dating until I'm 18. While it would have been all good and well, I as a younger teenager, was fixated on this strange new idea of boy-girl love. I grew up with a hunger for it and in so doing, led me questing for it. I broke the rule when I was 15 and didn't have the heart to tell them in fear of their disappointment.

In stopping me from doing something I wanted to explore and know more about, I "rebelled" against the rule to do what my heart deems fit.



Of course, not all are the same. I have friends who follow the "Focus on your studies first" rule very religiously and in so doing, have turned away any possible chance of romance. They crush their own crushes and force their adamant mindsets back into the books.

I applaud them. Really, I do.

Friends who say they want to wait until University to find a boyfriend. Friends who say they don't mind waiting until they enter the workforce. However, with that mindset, how far can they go? When they go to Uni, who's to say they won't choose education over romance again? They've done it all their lives. When they enter the workforce, who's to say they won't choose work and money and promotions over love? They were raised on that concept and it's hard to break away from it.

And then what? After all that when they finally decide to explore the intriguing fields of romance, they'll be old and wrinkled and left on the shelf. All the good, strong young men will be just that. Too young for them.



I'm not saying studying is bad. I'm also not saying you should shut romance and love away either. To have a true balance between them is when you'll really start to grow. Being in a relationship while still studying helps you get ready for your future where you have to balance a husband and a job. You've been exposed to this kind of lifestyle since adolescence and it makes transiting into adulthood a lot smoother.

After all, you only live this lifetime once and there's only so much you can do before you die. I'm not sure about you, but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life chasing after materialistic means over happiness of the heart and soul.

Go and love. Go out there and explore it. Satisfy your burning desires and find the answers to your curious questions. Go out there and conquer the world, not with an A+ but with a heart full of love. An A+ doesn't bring you love, that I can vouch for. Love brings you love and if you're always so fixated on your A+, you won't be able to see love even if it dances in front of you naked.

I am no expert and I would like to hear your opinion on this post. What are your thoughts on this? Did I miss something out that you think I should have most definitely included? Leave me a comment, drop me a message. As always, think with your mind, live to your heart's desire and love wholeheartedly with your soul. 

Lots of Sugar,

Nicabeth

The unfunny April Fool's Day blogpost

So today's April Fool's Day. Happy April Fools if you're into that sort of thing. But before you start pranking and teasing, I just wanted to cover some (love-related) huge no-nos. Might seem kind of obvious to you but honestly, you'd be surprised how many idiots still follow through with these anyway.

I know there are plenty of others; eg anything related to death that shouldn't be put into the context of a joke anytime, anywhere. But again, since this is mostly a love-feelings blog, we shan't go into anything too heavy and as I will only be covering 3 aspects of the whole "Do-not" list, you may have guessed that they are related to love.


1) Do not joke about confessions.
If it seems insanely hilarious to you that you should "confess" to that girl whom you know harbors feelings for you on this particular day, then you should honestly slap yourself. Are emotions a joke to you, my friend? Are feelings something that can be manipulated into laughs just for your own selfish pleasure of saying "April Fools" and laughing cruelly in her face? Does it make you a better person to watch her face light up then crumble and break? If so, I have no qualms about saying that there's a special place in hell for you.

Put yourself in her shoes. You've been admiring, crushing hard on someone from afar for so long. It seems impossible that they may EVER notice you. All day, all night you dream about hearing them confess their mutual feeling for you. Imagine how you would feel. Go on, close your eyes and imagine. I think ecstatic would only begin to skim the surface, wouldn't it? Then you watch as your crushes' face lights up with the most twisted grin and you hear the words "April Fools" come out of their mouth. You stand there, wondering, if it's a joke. You watch them laugh, high five their buddies. It's a joke. It was all a joke. Love isn't a joke and isn't meant to be a joke. But they turned it into one.


2) Do not joke about breaking up.
Maybe you're in a relationship and for April Fool's you wanted to play a prank on your S/O and somewhere in that prank involves the words "we're breaking up." There is a lower level in hell for you.
First of, why would you ever want to intentionally hurt your S/O? If you find it funny, well, may karma one day get back at your own.
And secondly, why would you ever want to ruin the trust and the bond between the two of you. Even if you meant it as a joke, your S/O would be left wondering "Did he really mean it as a joke?" Do you want to live with the knowledge that you intentionally nailed that bit of self doubt into a once steady and strong wall of trust?
If you've never been broken up with before, let me enlighten you. It isn't funny, whether it's a joke or not. It's scary and it's terrifying and it's the only thing that can make you feel as though your whole world is coming down on you and is enclosing you and everything you knew has shattered. The best part? It's a very literal feeling.


3) Do not joke about being pregnant.
This is to all the ladies in relationships. Do not joke about being pregnant. Chances are, he's gonna run as far as he can. Oh wait. You meant that as a joke? Oh, ha ha. Oops, he's already gone.
You have no idea how many women out there are actually trying and failing to get pregnant. And here you are, joking about it like it's some casual thing. Why would you even consider it funny to joke about life? Why would you joke about forcibly tying someone down through "pregnancy"?
Truth is, it could go downhill for you too. Throw in this joke and your man could start thinking that he might not really want to spend the rest of his life with you. He may not want you as his baby's mother. And just think, you started this off as a joke.


I'm aware I can be rather snarky or accusatory but it only goes to show how deeply I feel about topics related to love, emotions and relationships. I want the best for everyone who actually deserves it and I don't want to see relationships or 'what could have beens' get destroyed because of a moment's folly.

Prank all you want, but think before you prank.

I am no expert and I would like to hear your opinion on this post. What are your thoughts on this? Did I miss something out that you think I should have most definitely included? Leave me a comment, drop me a message. As always, think with your mind, live to your heart's desire and love wholeheartedly with your soul. 

Lots of Sugar,

Nicabeth


* Meraki (Greek): Doing something with soul, creativity or love. 

Life.

I've got to be honest here. I don't really know what I want to do when I grow up. For the longest time, I thought I knew. When I realized that maybe I didn't, it felt as though my thoughts got plowed over by a tractor. What do I want to do? I used to tell people that it's ok to not know what you want to do, we're still young, we still have time, everything will work itself out in the end. But now, things look so different from the other end. And it scares me. It scares me.

My heart wants to be a writer; a full time published writer. My mind wants to be a teacher; maybe pre-primary or primary. My bank account is telling me either or.

Half of me believes that we only have this life so we should make it count. The other half of me wants to take on a job that would almost guarantee me citizenship in another country. This indecision is painful, this feeling of being torn between two things that I want to pursue but can only choose one.

If I choose to take a degree in teaching, I will have a higher chance of getting a job and staying on in the country I love. But will I be happy? I'm not so sure about that.

If I choose to take a degree in English writing, I will be happy, most definitely, but will it guarantee me a job? Will I get to stay? Or will I be forced to return to this hell hole in which I'm currently suffering in silence in.

I sometimes wish I could be a child again, without the burden of this heavy decision. I know I still have a little over a year to decide but time really flies and I'm being torn between two paths.

Do I follow the path my heart wants to take or do I pursue the path my mind is telling me to?

Reminiscing

We all think about the past; the good, the bad and the ugly. We look at the good and we aim to achieve that once again. We look at the bad and we swear to ourselves we never want to experience that ever again. We look at the ugly and well, just, well I write a blogpost about it.

Since this blog is a love-related blog after all, I will more often than not post past stories and experiences and share tips that I think might help. Or might not help. Whichever.

It's ok to reminisce but it's not ok to become rapidly obsessed with past memories. If it's in the past, it's in the past for a reason. If it's a memory, it became a memory for a reason too.

Recently, I was looking at some of my past diary entries. I've kept a diary since I was 9 and it's almost becoming 10 years worth of content and memories. Mostly boy-filled and my best friend used to tell me I was obsessed with boys. (More like, obsessed with love.) Whenever I'm reading through old entries, I always go back to one diary. The green one. From the year 2012. Him. 

He changed me, he really did. I became harder, sharper, stronger. More daring, more playful, bolder. That was the year when I realised love isn't an emotion. It's a game and if you play it wrongly, you lose. (Of course, that's what I thought back then. My feelings on this are constantly changing, especially now that I'm much older and more mature.)

He saved me, literally. And he broke me. I went back to read my entry on the breakup and it was surprisingly mature. I thanked him for changing me and I was grateful and appreciative and everything. Yadda yadda yadda. Then a month later, I wanted to start a revenge story on him called "The Temptation" series; Love, Betrayal and Wonderlust. (I reread my plot for it just 10 minutes ago and I thought it was still pretty good.)

Then I thought, hey, that's such a stupid and petty thing to do, honestly. A revenge story on your ex? Please. I can do better than that. Even though the plot may be relatively interesting, it's still a story about my ex and do I really want to spend time writing whole stories based on him? Honestly, he isn't worth that much. I don't want to keep referring to my old diary entries and all our old text conversations to build up my story, ya know?

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is, you may want to dig up the past and reread them and reminisce and shit. But if you keep holding on to the past, or wanting to do something that will constantly plague you and remind you and make you think about your past 24/7, it's better if you just forget about it. Leave it where it belongs; in an old book, in old pictures, in old cards. It's better if you burn them clean away though. (I'm looking at you.) I'll be burning one when I turn 21 because that was a promise and I intend to keep it. Get rid of the evidence and maybe it won't be so painful.

I am no expert and I would like to hear your opinion on this post. What are your thoughts on this? Did I miss something out that you think I should have most definitely included? Leave me a comment, drop me a message. As always, think with your mind, live to your heart's desire and love wholeheartedly with your soul. 

Lots of Sugar,

Nicabeth

ThoughtBubble: Exploration and Discovery

We're always so eager to grow up; to see our final destination or our end product, that we never really stop to enjoy the journey. The journey of our exploration of life, the journey of discovering who we are, who we will be. I don't remember how I became the person I am today. It felt like "it just happened". And I missed it. I was so focused on finding out who I will be that I never really stopped to look at the things that made me, me. 

So, for the last two years, I decided that I wanted to be a part of my journey, not just waiting to see what happens at the end. 

I discovered that...

• I don't like change. (Even though I might say I do.) I'm both apprehensive and excited about change. I know that sometime change is for the better and I will adapt ok (I hope) but it will take some getting used to. 

• I can't say goodbye. Be it for 5 days, a month or a year, I'm not a goodbye person. Goodbyes make me cry and I really don't like having to say goodbye (even if I'll see you the next week). I suppose this is also quite relative. I mean, I can say goodbye to my mates at school just fine. But I do get a little teary when we part for the holidays too haha. 

• I'm cold and hardened on the inside. And I witnessed the journey that made me realise that. Long story short, girl drama. And when I was forced to choose sides, I portrayed myself as the person who doesn't really give a damn but in actuality, if you turn against me, I will bite back. I might bide my time and hug and make up but no. I will bite back and you don't want to see me do that because honestly, even I myself hasn't seen me do that. 

• When I love, I love with my soul. Hearts will stop one day but souls live on. 

• This world is not for me. I've known this forever but hearing myself come to terms with it, that's a different matter. My soul is too old for this world and I get so so tired at times. I've been brushing it off as me being introverted but I'm coming to terms that that's not it. I adapted alright but still. This world tires me out. 

• Names are the shells of your soul. Every time someone is reborn, they forget their past lives, their past names. And in this life, your name now is just the shell that holds your soul. The soul is the one that helps you live your life. Your soul reflects your personality, not the shell of your body and name. Maybe that's why I have difficulty calling people near and dear to me by their names. I don't want to call your shell when I can so clearly envision your soul. (Here's a hint; if I constantly call you by your name, you're not close to me. Unless if's absolutely necessary of course.) I'm trying to change this...this belief honestly. (Coz I do reckon my boyfriend wonders why I don't call him by his name sometimes. Sorry, my love.) But I don't know. That's why I'm still exploring this particular journey. It's my most tedious one ever. I want to see how it turns out though, but more importantly, I want to see what I've learnt from it. 

• Without my boyfriend, I don't think I'd ever have stopped to smell the roses. Without him, I probably would have still been in that bubble of eagerness to grow up. He always says, enjoy each day as it comes and live your life to the fullest. I've come to realise that when I do, I see my journey a little clearer. 

• I don't know what I really want to be in life, and that's ok. Maybe some of you do, and some of you don't but it's ok. It will be ok. I thought I knew what I wanted to be but now I'm saying, maybe I don't. I know though, that I want to write and I want to be able to publish my works. But that to me, is the end product. I don't know what the journey there is going to be like. Or if there even is going to be a journey down that path. But I want to be there to witness it, no matter what. 

Of course, these are my own opinions and viewpoints and I would just like to remind you, there is no right or wrong opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and if you don't like to conform to other people's opinion, I suggest you don't make others conform to yours.

Lots of Sugar

Nicabeth 

Love is a choice

The same ol' signs show up again. He/She stops replying your texts, stops calling you. You wonder if something is wrong; is it something you might have said? You hang on, maybe he/she needs some space to sort out their feelings. You talk to your friends and you talk to theirs and they give you their two cents worth but it all boils down to the same thing.

And then it happens. He/She messages you, calls you The whole "it's not you, it's me.". You ask what went wrong. The answer comes back. He/She "doesn't feel the love anymore." You're left wondering what the fuddgity fudge just happened. He/She doesn't have feelings for you anymore....?

Bull, I say. If you made the choice to enter a relationship in the first place, you can make the choice to stay. Love is a choice, that's my emphasis for this entry. The feeling of love might run out eventually. Ask your family, your attached friends. How many of them still feel the same way they felt during their first week, month, year together? But they're still together, aren't they? So how are they still together if "there's no more feeling?"

Choice. They made the choice to stay committed to their partner. They chose their partner and their partner chose them. It's tiring to start all over from scratch again and I daresay all you'd really want is to find someone to settle for and who'll settle for you.

If you were matured enough to make the choice to enter a relationship in the first place, I don't see why you're suddenly immature enough to leave just because "feelings faded". Or immature enough to choose to leave first rather than try and fix or enrich it.

I am no expert and I would like to hear your opinion on this post. What are your thoughts on this? Did I miss something out that you think I should have most definitely included? Leave me a comment, drop me a message. As always, think with your mind, live to your heart's desire and love wholeheartedly with your soul. 

Lots of Sugar,

Nicabeth

ThoughtBubble: The mindset of cheaters? Part 1

I'm posting this here because it has got me thinking and questioning. I reckon I should quit as a teacher and be a Private Investigator instead (jokes. Not really.) Anyway, this is a story I heard and it naturally got me curious and made me question how Cheaters think. Writing it out, I might be able to figure out and maybe get more insight on this.

*Story time*

Sarah and John are childhood sweethearts. After their breakup, John finds a new gf, Kelly. Their relationship is a getting a bit rocky. However, John still cheats on Kelly with Sarah (1). Sarah tells Kelly what has been going on and Kelly breaks up with John. Neither Sarah nor Kelly are talking to John but both girls are now friends. 

Fast forward to one year later. John is now dating this new girl called Mary. This new relationship has been rocky from the start. Sarah messages John out of the blue. Take into consideration that John and Sarah have not been speaking for over a year. Sarah asks John if he would like to take things into the bedroom with her. John agrees. 

So.....

I have a few questions. Namely, why did Sarah come back. A few theories. 

1) She's desperate for a good shag. But then again, she has mentioned that she has sexual relations with other boys. And when John asks her to quit her "nighttime activities" she readily agreed. Maybe she agreed because she was actually fond of John? But when neither Sarah nor Kelly were talking to him, Sarah was raging about him on social platforms saying how "irresponsible" and "disgusting" he was. 

2) She's a relationship wrecker. She came in towards the end of John and Kelly's already rocky relationship and destroyed it. She's just come in towards the impending end of John and Mary's relationship too. Could it be that she might not really want John but instead wants him to be with no other girl? Hence she makes herself "vulnerable" and "available" to tempt him to cheat on whichever girl he's with at the moment for her. 

And it just so happens my word of the day is "Honeyfuggle" which means "to entice or deceive by flattery or sweet talk" 

Stay tuned for more updates and more story time. 

Lots of Sugar
Nicabeth