Life.

I've got to be honest here. I don't really know what I want to do when I grow up. For the longest time, I thought I knew. When I realized that maybe I didn't, it felt as though my thoughts got plowed over by a tractor. What do I want to do? I used to tell people that it's ok to not know what you want to do, we're still young, we still have time, everything will work itself out in the end. But now, things look so different from the other end. And it scares me. It scares me.

My heart wants to be a writer; a full time published writer. My mind wants to be a teacher; maybe pre-primary or primary. My bank account is telling me either or.

Half of me believes that we only have this life so we should make it count. The other half of me wants to take on a job that would almost guarantee me citizenship in another country. This indecision is painful, this feeling of being torn between two things that I want to pursue but can only choose one.

If I choose to take a degree in teaching, I will have a higher chance of getting a job and staying on in the country I love. But will I be happy? I'm not so sure about that.

If I choose to take a degree in English writing, I will be happy, most definitely, but will it guarantee me a job? Will I get to stay? Or will I be forced to return to this hell hole in which I'm currently suffering in silence in.

I sometimes wish I could be a child again, without the burden of this heavy decision. I know I still have a little over a year to decide but time really flies and I'm being torn between two paths.

Do I follow the path my heart wants to take or do I pursue the path my mind is telling me to?