Some people, I feel, are just naturally insensitive. They lack empathy. They blurt out everything that's on their mind. They can't stop talking and they tend to say inappropriate things at very wrong times. Chances are, you know someone like this. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're probably that person.
~Case Scenarios~ (Over exaggerated but still somewhere along those lines)
1) Your friend failed a test and is very upset. Your response is "I told you you should have put in more effort on that test. I told you, didn't I? Now look, you failed."
2) Your girlfriend is having mood swings. Your response is " Mood swings again?! Didn't you just have it? Why are you always acting this way."
3) Your friend has gained weight over the summer and is starting to look a little pudgy. Your response is " OMG you're FAT."
4) Your best friend has just had a break up. Your response is " There are other guys out there why waste your time crying over one?"
~Case analysis~ (because I'm a little analytical when it comes to emotions and relationships)
1) First of all, he is already upset. You rubbing salt into his wound is not going to make things any better. Unless you are able to change his scores, I suggest you don't say things that will bring him down further. Secondly, what good does it do you? If you have the mindset that it's not your feelings and you can just toy with them anyhoo you like, slap yourself.
How would you like it if someone says the same thing to you? Everyone has feelings, everyone's only human.
2) If you are this insensitive to someone you claim to love (because she's supposed to be your girlfriend ), I dread to think how you are like with someone you aren't close with. Humans (regardless of gender) cannot help their mood swings. It will come and go like the tide. Honestly, even the tide can be predicted. Mood swings? Yeah not so much.
if you know someone who's feeling lousy at the moment, don't be a prick and go "seriously? Behaving like this again?". That's very rude and extremely insensitive to the other person's feelings. Like I said, they can't help it so why are you giving them added guilt? They can't help it and I'm sure they don't intend to feel this way too.
What you can do, however, is just to be with them during these moments. Some people fare better if they talk and let it all out. Others, like me for instance, will break down if you ask "what's wrong?" (Yes, I know you're trying to show concern but some people would rather presence over voice. Try and know the person and their coping mechanism before you attempt anything). If the person prefers presence over voice, you being there holding her in your arms is good enough for them.
3) Ouch. Ok, maybe they look a bit pudgier but chances are, they don't know it yet. You going up to them and blurting out that they're suddenly fat is equivalent to stabbing their ego and confidence with a blunt knife. Not enough damage to kill but enough damage to harm.
Maybe you have a big mouth and you just can't help what you say. Someone ought to duct tape you before you hurt someone else again.
There are literally so many other ways you can bring up her sudden weight gain instead of dropping the "FAT" bomb. Casually talk to her and slowly bring it up. It'll hurt less.
4) Ok, sure. I know some people who will benefit and feel stronger when they're told that there are other guys and they shouldn't waste their time crying over one. But most people are raw after a breakup or a heartbreak and immediately telling them to go find someone else won't be good for them.
Some people want to cling on to the feelings they had for the person. They want to wallow in their pity and you should let them. ( Not forever, of course.) They're feeling raw and vulnerable and torn and confused. Yes, you mean well that there are other fishes in the sea. But think about it, in that moment, your friend doesn't want other fishes, she wants that one. And by telling her "duh, there are others", she honestly can't hear you over the sound of her heartbreak. (And I can tell you firsthand the silence of a heartbreak is the loudest silence there is. But that's for another story ^^) Give her time to sort out her own feelings. Don't encourage her to jump into rebound relationships. She might make an even bigger mistake.
On the other hand, some people do benefit from being told "screw that guy, go find someone else." They feel motivated to leave the feelings they had for the previous guy behind and start anew. What's not to like about a fresh change? Some people do feel reassured that this is not the end, and that there will be other people out there.
Honestly, I'm a mix of both. Yes, I want to wallow in memories but at the same time, I want to powder my nose, raise a cocktail and yell "tally-ho!" (Twenties girl, Sophie Kinsella.). In simpler terms, don't give a damn about anything and do as I please.
Maybe you are lucky enough to have friends that just laugh your insensitivity off and are cool with it. However too much will surely push their buttons someday.
You can't learn how not to be insensitive. The one thing I would suggest is to think before you speak. That way, at least you have some time to consider and run the words through your brain and see if it's appropriate for that time and place before actually blurting something out that you might regret later on.
Of course, these are my own opinions and viewpoints and I would just like to remind you, there is no right or wrong opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and if you don't like to conform to other people's opinion, I suggest you don't make others conform to yours.
Lots of Sugar
Nicabeth
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