So, for the last two years, I decided that I wanted to be a part of my journey, not just waiting to see what happens at the end.
I discovered that...
- I don't like change. (Even though I might say I do.) I'm both apprehensive and excited about change. I know that sometime change is for the better and I will adapt ok (I hope) but it will take some getting used to.
- I can't say goodbye. Be it for 5 days, a month or a year, I'm not a goodbye person. Goodbyes make me cry and I really don't like having to say goodbye (even if I'll see you the next week). I suppose this is also quite relative. I mean, I can say goodbye to my mates at school just fine. But I do get a little teary when we part for the holidays too haha.
- I'm cold and hardened on the inside. And I witnessed the journey that made me realise that. Long story short, girl drama. And when I was forced to choose sides, I portrayed myself as the person who doesn't really give a damn but in actuality, if you turn against me, I will bite back. I might bide my time and hug and make up but no. I will bite back and you don't want to see me do that because honestly, even I myself hasn't seen me do that.
- When I love, I love with my soul. Hearts will stop one day but souls live on.
- This world is not for me. I've known this forever but hearing myself come to terms with it, that's a different matter. My soul is too old for this world and I get so so tired at times. I've been brushing it off as me being introverted but I'm coming to terms that that's not it. I adapted alright but still. This world tires me out.
- Names are the shells of your soul. Every time someone is reborn, they forget their past lives, their past names. And in this life, your name now is just the shell that holds your soul. The soul is the one that helps you live your life. Your soul reflects your personality, not the shell of your body and name. Maybe that's why I have difficulty calling people near and dear to me by their names. I don't want to call your shell when I can so clearly envision your soul. (Here's a hint; if I constantly call you by your name, you're not close to me. Unless if's absolutely necessary of course.) I'm trying to change this...this belief honestly. (Coz I do reckon my boyfriend wonders why I don't call him by his name sometimes. Sorry, my love.) But I don't know. That's why I'm still exploring this particular journey. It's my most tedious one ever. I want to see how it turns out though, but more importantly, I want to see what I've learnt from it.
- Without my boyfriend, I don't think I'd ever have stopped to smell the roses. Without him, I probably would have still been in that bubble of eagerness to grow up. He always says, enjoy each day as it comes and live your life to the fullest. I've come to realise that when I do, I see my journey a little clearer.
- I don't know what I really want to be in life, and that's ok. Maybe some of you do, and some of you don't but it's ok. It will be ok. I thought I knew what I wanted to be but now I'm saying, maybe I don't. I know though, that I want to write and I want to be able to publish my works. But that to me, is the end product. I don't know what the journey there is going to be like. Or if there even is going to be a journey down that path. But I want to be there to witness it, no matter what.
Of course, these are my own opinions and viewpoints and I would just like to remind you, there is no right or wrong opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and if you don't like to conform to other people's opinion, I suggest you don't make others conform to yours.
Lots of Sugar
Nicabeth
No comments:
Post a Comment